Wrestling with Rest in a productivity-obsessed society
It felt counterintuitive.
As the holiday festivities were dying down and many were gearing up for the year ahead, I fully expected to ride the wave of collective optimism that the new year often brings. I was already writing down my annual mantra, my monthly goals, and what passion projects I would like to get kicking this 2019. And yet, as I was focusing on what I wanted my January to be like, I felt this urge to begin my year focusing on REST.
And not the “productive” kind of rest that is often touted in our society as the only acceptable kind. You know that kind of rest/vacay we often see on our feeds — the one we often envy or deem as the only type of rest that is socially acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, I fully considered setting up a sort of Eat, Pray, Love fever dream that would leave my friends and family admiring my decision to indulge on a spiritual journey towards self-love.
But, I knew deep in my heart I needed a different kind of rest. What I needed was the kind of rest where I could sit with myself, my own thoughts, and have the kind of cathartic healing that can’t be summed up in a carefully curated feed.
I’m not sure if any of my peers understand how daunting it is to get asked the question “what are you doing now?” when you have fully set your mind on “doing nothing.” It often led me to half-heartedly search for new projects or job prospects in order to feel like I wasn’t wasting my time resting. But why should rest feel like time wasted when it is leading me to spend quality time with the two people I value most but have the least time for whenever I have a “busy schedule”?
The month of rest allowed me to bask in the presence of God and fully feel the weight of the words “He loves me.” Rest allowed me to finally pull out the blueprints I’ve designed to create a home within myself and finally lay foundations that would last. Rest was healing but it wasn’t without struggle.
Our society has taught us that our value is in accordance with what we have achieved or what we are “doing” and is less concerned with who we are becoming. This type of conditioning has become so apparent when in the first few weeks of my “rest month,” I would get so anxious at the thought of having nothing to check off, no KPIs to live up to, or nothing to add to my resume. However, truly immersing myself in the transformative power of getting comfortable with myself on the other side of nothingness and rest led me to heal my broken vision of worth and purpose. Now, I am fully ready to build a life that is intentional and purposeful — one based on timeless truths and my Creator’s plans and not one that is motivated by a calendar or achievements.
